SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

I love my husband. Despite after 25 yrs of a loving marriage he had a breakdown and self soothed with escorts for a summer. ( an escalation from porn usage I did not know about ) He definitely had a breakdown. He immediately took all responsibility, entered therapy, took online course and listened to podcasts. Just when I was feeling like we might make it…I found porn on his computer after a business trip. This was 14 months after DDay. He lied, I kicked him out nd didn’t speak to him for 6 weeks. He is now in 12 step, therapy, etc and doing even deeper work. We started spending sundays and wed. Evenings together and are "separated but working towards reconciliation". I do feel he is doing all he can

I’m just not sure it’s enough. I can’t get over the lies. Today we went to lunch for our anniversary and he asked me if I was ready to try and connect sexually. HARD no. I told him I’d feel like he was using my body. It’s been 4 months since separation. I have a postnuptial , separation agreement notarized and signed after meeting with a mediator for a few weeks together. I just don’t know how to get past this. We love each other. I don’t want him to come home and I def. Do not want to have sex with him. Will that ever change ? Is it too much ? 😢. And yes I’m in IC as well. Any words of encouragement ?

I am hoping your IC can help.

Otherwise, based on what you wrote, you’re needing to see more work and more results from your spouse before there is a chance to feel safe.

I think a lot can be forgiven, as long your WS becomes a more trusting partner.

The tough part is, you likely need to see more progress and he needs to show more, which takes a lot of time.

For now, it sounds like you need your space and some time, and you should take as much as you need.

Great advice thank u ❤️