SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

Everything still feels so raw, and I’m completely overwhelmed with regret, shame, heartbreak, and confusion. I can barely get out of bed. I’ve been telling work I’m sick, but it feels like it’s only a matter of time before everything falls apart.

We haven’t told anyone yet as my partner is afraid of the judgment and stigma that might come with it. I worry she’s carrying the weight of this alone, and knowing that only adds to the pain.

I know I sound pathetic and I don’t deserve to have these feelings, but I just need some kind of hope right now. I need to believe that I can survive the consequences of what I’ve done because at the moment it feels like everything is collapsing around me and I’m afraid.

Fear, sadness, despair is normal in the early times after discovery. But all seasons of life are temporary. If you can’t try and move past these feelings which tend to trap you and keep you in a state of inaction, moving towards what you are going to do about it, taking accountability will help you transform the way you see yourself which in turn will help you think better thoughts and make better actions.

I personally would start with a list of ways to get proactive. Go to therapy. Read how to help your spouse heal from infidelity. Listen to podcasts. Try and be introspective as to how you got where you are and what you can do differently.

There is no doubt that you are in a dark pit. I have been there. But you are the only one who can pull yourself out and the more you do that the better you can be for her. Start making some strides, move forward regardless of how you feel.

And if you feel suicidal encourage you to get help immediately. Do not make permanent decisions on a temporary problem. By temporary, I do not mean immediate, it’s going to be tough for a good while, but beyond that are some of your best days that haven’t happened yet. You have the power to move forward and be strong for your wife, it’s just going to take initiative and hard work. You can do it.

Thank you.

I have attended one IC session. And started to read a book. "How to help your spouse heal from your your affair"

I also started writing in a journal and started writing my "why" - which feels so wrong, not relatable, which I think is necessary for both of us. Trying to be as honest with myself as possible. I think it’s hard because some of my motivation might be unknown until several IC sessions.

I’m go from hopeful to depressed. Spiraling in the middle of the night. Not sleeping. It doesn’t help that I work from home and my in-laws babysit in house daily and they don’t know…yet. I dread that day because I have betrayed them and respect them.

I can’t kill myself. That would add to BS’s pain and suffering and goes against what upsets me the most about this situation - BS’s distress. And I could never abandon my children.

I just feel like a terrible human and cannot handle that I was capable of doing this.

[This message edited by Username1986 at 5:02 PM, Thursday, September 18th]