Years of our lies

We’ve been together for 17 years and have three minor children; despite our differences and problems, I always thought we’d grow old together. Everyone always said we made a beautiful couple with a wonderful marriage and praised us constantly, but... After COVID, I noticed my wife’s behavior changing significantly: she was away from home more often, constantly hiding her phone, and smiling while typing to someone... A few months later, I discovered a huge number of calls to a specific number in the call logs. I confronted her about it, asking what it was; she claimed it was just a friendship—some random guy from Instagram—and quickly turned the blame on me, accusing me of violating her privacy, neglecting her, and so on. I apologized and suggested we draw a line under the past and start fresh—but without the secrecy this time. She agreed, and I really put a tremendous amount of effort into the relationship, but soon I discovered another call, then another, and another—and every time, I was the one at fault. This went on for a long time; there would be brief periods of peace, only for me to discover something else was going on, as she became increasingly skilled at hiding things—Viber, Telegram, WhatsApp... She always insisted she hadn't cheated on me—that she was just texting and talking to the guy, never even meeting him in person. All those years turned me into a detective, letting someone poison my mind and forcing me to question my own sanity and logic. I knew I was right, though, because the other day I happened to come across her old mobile phone; knowing her better than she knows herself, I knew she was a hoarder who never threw anything away. I turned it on and saw exactly what I had suspected: it was all true. She had been cheating on me and lying to me—the messages even revealed she’d gotten pregnant by him and had a miscarriage. She denies it, but since she’s a skilled actress, I don’t believe her. I had been optimistic that the relationship could be saved; I even initiated marriage counseling, but that turned into an hour and a half of her playing the victim and explaining to the therapist that I was a psychopath who violated her privacy by checking her phone and snooping into her activities. After I confronted her with what I’d found, she initially played dumb, so I asked if it was time for an honest conversation. She agreed; we sat down, and I told her I’d actually known it all along—my brain just needed confirmation. She claims she wanted to tell me many times, but... how do you just walk up and say, "Hey, I cheated on you"? Hmm, maybe it would have been easier if you hadn't done it in the first place? Anyway, I told her that after 17 years, I finally deserved the whole truth regarding all those years of lies—that she should unburden her soul, give me some peace of mind, and let us part ways like civilized people; we could continue co-parenting—and maybe even be friends—without having to be enemies. She immediately insisted she had nothing to say since I’d seen it all, but quickly started shifting the blame back onto me—claiming I wasn't thinking about the children, and that they needed us to be normal... She is such a skille manipulator and liar and victim in whose trap I got into because I loved her, I tought we're building something together, in the end all I have is: Sorry, I've never wanted to hurt you. Those words right now means absolutely nothing to me

4 comments posted: Wednesday, September 2nd, 2026