I arrived here a little over 2 months ago and have learned so much about my processes after D-day. Things I didn’t realize I was or was not doing. I want to thank everyone, both Betrayed’s and Wayward’s for your taking the risk of posting and commenting on posts. It takes trust to lay bare one’s hurt and anger, especially when it is trust that made us vulnerable in the 1st place. The combined wisdom displayed here is astounding.
There are two terms that thoroughly applied to me during the 1st year, post my wife’s disclosure.
Looking back there is no doubt I fell into these 2 desperate actions: the "pick me dance and "hysterical bonding". Of course, I didn’t recognize it at the time. How could I? I was alone, abandoned by my spouse, who I saw as my lover as well. And in full disclosure, I moved 1200 miles away abandoning, out of humiliation, friends and family. In this new place I didn't have to face anyone. No question that move was poorly conceived, but I was in full panic mode. And when one is there, in this uncharted, dangerous territory, blind to reality as a bat, knowing no longer who is a friend or foe, daily and nightly shadow boxing a haunting, distorted monstrosity and yet, clear headed enough to know that one wrong move, one poorly chosen word could further rupture the fracturing marriage, possibly bringing it to a final collapse.
It is important for me to say, these days those 2 terms no longer apply. It is nice for me to finally understand that I wasn’t crazy or stupid for falling into these types of knee-jerk, reactive behaviors. Though I would not wish this on anyone, it is reassuring to know I am not the only one who did.
Revisiting this time is simply a reminder that though I was sucked punched by the virtual fists of my wife and her affair partner and my friend, I wasn't knocked out.
